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2023 Year In Review

Posted by Julian Torres, "JT" on Dec 24, 2023 3:22:25 PM

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2023 was a year. Hamas attacked Israel, and that was horrible. The 2024 election season started this year and probably won’t end until early 2026. Artificial intelligence became a common point of conversation, social media continues to bewilder and intimidate, and it seems like everyone went on strike.

Some of the 2023 highlights included:

It’s Taylor’s World

Between her monster tour, releasing another re-recorded album, and being named Time’s “Person of the Year,” Taylor Swift pretty much took over the world this year. Not that she hadn’t already conquered it years earlier, but 2023 was definitely her year.

But that was before her romance with NFL player Travis Kelce became public. A union between her fans and Kansas City Chiefs fans can only lead to higher ticket prices for both venues, and the worlds may not survive the collision.

Summer of Strikes

According to Investopedia.com, there were approximately 252 strikes in the United States from January 1 to August 31. Two of the most visible of the strikes included the Screen Actors Guild and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, which effectively ended movie and television productions for 100 days and forced studio executives to reconsider the types of projects to bring to the public.

Just kidding; they’re planning to release 25,987 more superhero movies to cover the loss of income and reboot the show Bridgeton as a puppet musical.

Unions were a big part of the news, too. Oklahoma Senator MarkWayne Mullin (3-0) picked a fight with International Brotherhood of Teamsters Sean O'Brien (no “official” fight record, if you understand what I’m saying) during a congressional hearing. Both men hurled insults before being directed back to their respective corners by unofficial referee Sen. Bernie Sanders, who warned both participants to zip it unless they wanted him to take off his mittens and administer some “99 percent concussions.”

Barbenheimer

Both Oppenheimer and Barbie did insane box office and appear ready to dominate awards season, although some conservative viewers expressed some unease with Barbie. One of the loudest critics, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, derided the film at a fundraiser as the latest example of “woke leftist culture that destroys gender norms” before stumbling off stage in his ill-fitting stiletto cowboy boots.

Oppenheimer was praised as a dramatic return to form for director Christopher Nolan, mostly because the audience didn’t require subtitles to understand the dialogue. But Nolan knows what the audience wants, which led to some confusion in the last act of them film when the atomic bombs get dropped onto Japan from a jet piloted by Batman.

NCAA Foot…huh?

In November, Michigan Wolverines Head Coach Jim Harbaugh agreed to a three-game suspension after The Big Ten found Michigan had violated the league’s sportsmanship policy. The Wolverines, properly chastised by this punishment, responded by going 3-0 in Harbaugh’s absence. Following a win over rival Ohio State, Michigan alumni and boosters welcomed Harbaugh back by wagging their fingers and accusing him of being a “naughty, naughty boy” before buying him another round.

Undefeated Florida State University was passed over for admission into the NCAA Football Playoffs, while the University of Alabama got in despite having a one-loss record. Screams of outrage over the decision could be heard throughout most of Florida, although Gainesville, Miami, and Orlando were all clearly giggling.

Happy New Year!

Don’t worry about the election next year, either. Drink lots of water and keep the aspirin handy!

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